is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
