Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
