I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
