Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize