ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
