It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
time to smoke my breakfast
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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