So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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