yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
