In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
