So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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