It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
