I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
