She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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