the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
