Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
