Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
