Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I still have a little drunk in my system
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
