I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
