We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I could fuck to npr.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
