What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
