My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize