I'm lost and stupid without you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
