I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
