He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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