Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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