I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize