bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
