weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
