From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
