Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize