Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
