Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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