Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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