Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
