I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
