we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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