Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
