Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
