I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
