he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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