the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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