she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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