dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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