she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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