I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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