why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
