thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
