this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
