So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
