I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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