The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
