Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
