He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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