Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
