My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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