I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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