You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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