the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
