do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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