Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize