it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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