i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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