I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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