i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
