When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
