Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize