I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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