You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
