My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
