You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
