people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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