my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
